Letters to an Agent

Oh dear, it's happened again. For the third time in as many months, someone I previously believed to be a charming and intelligent person has shown me their agent letter and revealed their real self to be an arrogant and demanding, possibly litigious, definitely humourless, buttock-clenchingly, squirm-inducingly, utterly bonkers individual.

I don't know what happens. Agents are, in my experience, hard working people in love with books - they have to be, or they couldn't do the job. They're normal (although I'm sure I once spotted a dorsal fin), so why does it seem so hard to write a normal, straightforward letter introducing yourself and your book in normal, straightforward language? It must be the weight of the thing, summing up possibly years of hard work and hope in a couple of paragraphs. Well, five...

1. Why you're writing to them.

2. Brief summary of your book.

3. Market position of the book.

4. About yourself.

5. Thank you for your time etc (I call this the 'I am not a loony' paragraph).

Pop it all onto one page, and there you are! It's not difficult. Except it is. My first agent letter is the one thing I've never shown to anyone else, so ghastly and needy it is, I might as well have disembowelled myself and sent the contents by Parcel Post. My only excuse is alien abduction. The proof is out there.

7 Things NOT to Say About Yourself in an Agent Letter

Yesterday I did some of the things to include about yourself in an agent letter.  Here are some things NOT to include.

1. Feedback from non-industry professionals

Your friends and family will love your book.  So will your grandchildren.  In fact, most children enjoy being read to regardless of what is being read.  The only time to break this rule is if your daughter/cousin/best friend is the book buyer for Tesco.

2. Feedback from industry professionals

Unless we're talking about the book buyer from Tesco then the answer is no.  Why?  Because the chances are that the feedback was essentially negative - or why else would you be looking for an agent?  It doesn't matter how positive the rejection was, it was still a rejection.  Don't include it because...

3. Nothing negative

You shouldn't have any negativity in your letter.  I've seen statements such as: I've written many short stories and some have been accepted for publication.  Why not simply write: I've had stories accepted for publication in XYZ magazine.  

4. Endorsements from authors

Authors do, from time to time, show books to their agents.  But they do the showing ie they contact their agent and say something like, read this book it's brilliant.  Writing 'I have worked with author Jo Bloggs on the manuscript' isn't an endorsement from the author, especially if you paid the author to work on it.  The same is true for literary consultancies/book doctors.  If anything, it implies that you're not up to writing on your own; you'll need lots of handholding. 

5. Personal stuff

I'm not talking just about sob stories (take me on or I'll kill myself) - but ordinary personal stuff.  Is it relevant that you're married with two children?  Almost certainly not, so don't include it. Does it matter if your family are behind you 100%?  Nope. And yes, people do write this sort of thing - my first, unsuccessful, agent letter explained at embarrassing length how my novel Adultery for Beginners wasn't based on personal experience. I cringe in retrospect.  

6.  You've always wanted to be a writer

Um, most of us have.  A lot of us write our first 'book' at primary school.  And most writers are also avid readers, and that's part of the reason we write.  We love books.  This is almost a given, so not worth including.  

7. You're published when you're not

If you say you've been published, the industry takes that to mean you've been published in physical book form by an established publishing company, or as an e-book by a well regarded e-publishing company.  This is very easy to check on Amazon and any agent will know the publishers they consider to be established companies.

Claiming to be published when you're actually considered by the industry to be self published is a big no-no. Did you pay a contribution towards publication at any stage?  Then it's considered that you're self published. 

If you have self published (whether in physical book form or as an e-book) and sold respectable quantities - at least 1000 copies - then that's worth mentioning. If your garden shed is still full of stacks of books, then it's not.   

Always get a friend to read over your biog and tell you honestly if it's too personal or full of irrelevant material.  If in doubt, leave it out. It's better for it to be short - or non-existent - than for it to actively turn off an agent.

7 Things to Say About Yourself in an Agent Letter

I've been looking at several draft agent letters recently, and one area that seems to cause problems is the author biog.  What on earth do you say about yourself?  

Things to include...

1.  What you do IF it's relevant to the book.  

Obviously, if you're writing a novel about teachers and you're a teacher it's relevant.  If you're writing a non-fiction book then your professional credentials will make a difference. Otherwise, your occupation is not relevant.

2. Writing qualifications/writing courses

If you've done an MA in Creative Writing it shows that a) someone thought you were good enough to get on the course in the first place b) you've spent 1-2 years reading, writing, workshopping which has to be a good thing c) that you're used to getting feedback on your work.  

Other courses, groups - yes, it shows seriousness about your approach to writing eg you've been part of a critique group for 3 years but generally anyone can sign up to a class, and attending a general class is no sign of ability.  Overall I'd be inclined not to list them.

3.  Membership of organisations

Yes to organisations such as the Romantic Novelists Association, the Society of Authors, the Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators.  No to your local writing group unless it's nationally recognised - or you met the agent through it.

4. Publication of short stories/short story competition wins

Yes, especially if on Radio 4 or in nationally recognised magazines.  The more obscure the publication, the less impressive the credit.  And yes to competition wins, particularly if they're nationally recognised (eg Bridport, Asham, Fish) or plentiful.  

5. Publication in newspapers/journals

Yes, if it's in nationally recognised newspapers or journals.  Your local parish magazine is not so impressive.  Generally, did the journal/paper pay you money?  If yes, it's worth including.  

6.  Your marketability

It may have been a million years ago that I was in Only Fools and Horses, but people are still interested and it's often the first thing that's said about me in the media. It's something in my past that makes me marketable in the present. If you have something similar then mention it.

In the last few years authors have been encouraged to build platforms.  This does not involve wood, hammers and nails, but gathering cyber friends and followers through social media such as Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, blogging etc.  The idea is that they a) will be a built-in market for your fabulous book when it hits the shelves and  b) will have lots of goodwill towards you so they will pass on details of your fab book to all their friends and followers. 

7. Something personal

The jury's out on this one.  I've read query letters where the personal bit sounded threatening ('I have a black belt in judo') and others where it sounded interesting (a list of quirky jobs the author had had).  If in doubt, get a friend to give you feedback on how you are coming across. Or just leave it out. 

The general rule here is to include stuff that endorses you as a writer of this particular book. What NOT to include tomorrow...

5 Things NOT To Put In A Letter To An Agent

1. Don't include praise from other agents or publishers if they've turned you down. No matter how nice the rejection letter was, it was still a rejection. I'm sure we've all been in the situation when the object of our affections says: I love you, but as a friend. And we all know what we thought about that then. Same thing now.

2. Don't include any information that you wouldn't include in a letter to a bank manager. In other words, nothing about your personal life, your cats, your dog, your diet, your beliefs. It's a business letter. Be business like.

3. Don't rubbish publishing. Don't say it's a clique run by idiots who wouldn't know a good book if they saw one, even if that's what you believe. You want to be part of that world, don't you?

4. Don't make any spelling or grammatical mistakes, or typos, or use incorrect names. Is it Sarah or Sara? If you don't know, play it safe and check. Ditto Mrs, Miss and Ms. Some people feel very strongly about their title, so either check or leave the title out. And while you're about it, don't present your letter and manuscript in any other way except the conventional one. This is not the time to get creative.

5. Don't say your mother/husband/wife/children/grandchildren/best friend loved it. It's not relevant. Unless they're the head book buyer for Tesco.

5 things to put in a letter to an agent tomorrow.

Yes, They Could Be Serious

Many, many years ago I wanted to read a book about how to get into acting as a profession. Every book I could find was written by an old, already famous person, like Judi Dench. I'm sorry about the old, but I was still in my teens, and at that point age didn't equate with useful experience. I wanted something written by someone in their 20s, someone who was still climbing the ladder, someone who would know a few short cuts.

Fast forward a few years, and I was possibly that person. I was in work pretty much non-stop and earning good money, but no way could I call myself famous. So, I decided to write the book I'd wanted to read. Having written it - and I don't remember any angst about writing, so unlike now; that too must be an age thing - I knew that there was one publisher who published all the plays, so I wrote to them telling them what I'd written and why.

They wrote back - they were interested, but wanted to know a bit more about me: why was I the one to write this book? At which point I decided they were giving me the brush off and didn't bother to reply.

Argghh!

I simply can't believe I did that. But it is true. I think, deep down, I was worried that they would think I wasn't famous enough for them so it was easier to reject them first before they rejected me. Idiot!

Because now I know differently. These people - agents, editors, publishers - are so swamped with manuscripts that ANY flicker of interest is good. Every day they are besieged by thousands of voices going Me, me, me! so if they offer you some individual attention, be thrilled and flattered, even if it doesn't lead to the publishing deal of your dreams. Take it as a positive sign you're on the right track and don't be silly like me.

Agent Letters - The Five Paragraphs Expanded

A few people asked me to expand on my format for a covering letter to an agent, so here it is, all to be fitted on one page.

1. Why you're writing to them. You've heard them speak or read an article they've written. Maybe they represent an author who you admire and hope to emulate. It should be specific which shows that you've bothered to do some research which in turn shows a professional outlook.

2. Brief summary of your book. Length, genre etc. Then a few sentences about the theme of the book. This equates to the scriptwriter's elevator pitch, where you imagine you're in a lift with someone who could buy your script, but you've only got a minute to sell it to them. Be clear about what it is you're selling.

3. Market position of the book. Essentially, who's going to buy it. This could be phrased as 'It will appeal to readers of...' and then name a couple of authors, rather then a demographic. Depending on the book, you might want to combine paras 2 and 3.

4. About yourself. Include anything that endorses you as a writer, such as articles published or short story competitions won. Also include any personal information that is directly relevant to the book, such as the book is about shenanigans in a school, and you're a teacher. Don't include anything else such as your friends think it's a wonderful book, or how very difficult it was to write.

5. Thank you for your time etc. I call this the 'I am not a loony' paragraph, so no demands that they get back to you within 48 hours, or copyright threats. Instead, pitch yourself as the ideal author, hardworking, full of ideas and enthusiasm, but also very open to feedback and direction. And don't forget the SAE.

The whole should be written in simple, straightforward language - you are after all hoping to have a long term business relationship with this person. Ask some friends to read it because, in your anxiety to get it right, it's very easy to come across negatively, and while they're reading get them to check the spelling and the grammar. And by the time you've done all that, you're probably feeling like giving up on the whole business and taking up watercolours instead. But persevere. Get it right just once, and you'll never have to go through this again.

My next event will be speaking at Corsham Library, Wiltshire with fellow New Romantics Lucy Diamond and Veronica Henry 3rd June at 7.30pm. Come and join us!

Alien Abduction and Agent Letters

You may have noticed I've got a book out. God, I hope you have. If you haven't, it's called Kissing Mr Wrong and the launch party is TONIGHT at 6.30pm at Waterstones, Bath and please, please, someone turn up. Anyway, I'm a little teeny weeny bit stressed so thought I'd take one thing off my shoulders - I'm going to repeat some of my favourite blogs from last year starting with writing to agents...

Oh dear, it's happened again. For the third time in as many months, someone I previously believed to be a charming and intelligent person has shown me their agent letter and revealed their real self to be an arrogant and demanding, possibly litigious, definitely humourless, buttock-clenchingly, squirm-inducingly, utterly bonkers individual.

I don't know what happens. Agents are, in my experience, hard working people in love with books - they have to be, or they couldn't do the job. They're normal (although I'm sure I once spotted a dorsal fin), so why does it seem so hard to write a normal, straightforward letter introducing yourself and your book in normal, straightforward language? It must be the weight of the thing, summing up possibly years of hard work and hope in a couple of paragraphs. Well, five...

1. Why you're writing to them.

2. Brief summary of your book.

3. Market position of the book.

4. About yourself.

5. Thank you for your time etc (I call this the 'I am not a loony' paragraph).

Pop it all onto one page, and there you are! It's not difficult. Except it is. My first agent letter is the one thing I've never shown to anyone else, so ghastly and needy it is, I might as well have disembowelled myself and sent the contents by Parcel Post. My only excuse is alien abduction. The proof is out there.

Take Six Agents

When I'd nearly finished re-writing my manuscript I sent out the usual package - first three chapters, synopsis and covering letter - to six agents one Monday afternoon. I had a connection with all of them: three I had met at a Romantic Novelists Association party the previous week (which is why I sent out before having fully completed the ms), one had been there but I hadn't met them, the other two I knew were attending the Winchester Writers Conference. This is what happened...

Agent No 1 rang me on Wednesday morning and asked to see the rest. Yippee!

Agent No 2 sent a letter on Thursday saying the novel wasn't for her, but added that she thought someone would take it on.

Agent No 3 sent a letter on Friday asking to see the rest.

Agent No 4 also sent a letter on Friday saying no one would want to read such depressing material, I was wasting my time and I'd just wasted hers. Yes, really.

Agent No 5 sent a letter on Monday saying she'd got two clients who were writing similar work to mine and she was having difficulty placing them, so she couldn't take me on.

Agent No 6 - well, I'm still waiting to hear from Agent No 6, but it's too late as I went with the fabulous Agent No 1.

It's one person's opinion after all, but if I'd only had Agent No 4's letter I might never have sent out again. It was bad enough reading it after I'd had a phone call from an agent saying they wanted to read the rest, I dread to think how I would have felt if it had been the only response. So, that's why I believe in multiple submissions.

PS I have since met Agent No 4 at a party. I didn't spit in her drink, kick her shins or say 'Yah boo sucks! That book you said was a waste of time sold to ten countries, you know nothing.' I just smiled sweetly and moved on. Which shows I'm either a nice person full of forgiveness or a coward.

Five Paragraphs Expanded

A few people asked me to expand on my format for a covering letter to an agent, so here it is, all to be fitted on one page.

1. Why you're writing to them. You've heard them speak or read an article they've written. Maybe they represent an author who you admire and hope to emulate. It should be specific which shows that you've bothered to do some research which in turn shows a professional outlook.

2. Brief summary of your book. Length, genre etc. Then a few sentences about the theme of the book. This equates to the scriptwriter's elevator pitch, where you imagine you're in a lift with someone who could buy your script, but you've only got a minute to sell it to them. Be clear about what it is you're selling.

3. Market position of the book. Essentially, who's going to buy it. This could be phrased as 'It will appeal to readers of...' and then name a couple of authors, rather then a demographic. Depending on the book, you might want to combine paras 2 and 3.

4. About yourself. Include anything that endorses you as a writer, such as articles published or short story competitions won. Also include any personal information that is directly relevant to the book, such as the book is about shenanigans in a school, and you're a teacher. Don't include anything else such as your friends think it's a wonderful book, or how very difficult it was to write.

5. Thank you for your time etc. I call this the 'I am not a loony' paragraph, so no demands that they get back to you within 48 hours, or copyright threats. Instead, pitch yourself as the ideal author, hardworking, full of ideas and enthusiasm, but also very open to feedback and direction. And don't forget the SAE.

The whole should be written in simple, straightforward language - you are after all hoping to have a long term business relationship with this person. Ask some friends to read it because, in your anxiety to get it right, it's very easy to come across negatively, and while they're reading get them to check the spelling and the grammar. And by the time you've done all that, you're probably feeling like giving up on the whole business and taking up watercolours instead. But persevere. Get it right just once, and you'll never have to go through this again.

Alien Abduction and Agent Letters

Oh dear, it's happened again. For the third time in as many months, someone I previously believed to be a charming and intelligent person has shown me their agent letter and revealed their real self to be an arrogant and demanding, possibly litigious, definitely humourless, buttock-clenchingly, squirm-inducingly, utterly bonkers individual.

I don't know what happens. Agents are, in my experience, hard working people in love with books - they have to be, or they couldn't do the job. They're normal (although I'm sure I once spotted a dorsal fin), so why does it seem so hard to write a normal, straightforward letter introducing yourself and your book in normal, straightforward language? It must be the weight of the thing, summing up possibly years of hard work and hope in a couple of paragraphs. Well, five...

1. Why you're writing to them.

2. Brief summary of your book.

3. Market position of the book.

4. About yourself.

5. Thank you for your time etc (I call this the 'I am not a loony' paragraph).

Pop it all onto one page, and there you are! It's not difficult. Except it is. My first agent letter is the one thing I've never shown to anyone else, so ghastly and needy it is, I might as well have disembowelled myself and sent the contents by Parcel Post. My only excuse is alien abduction. The proof is out there.