7 Heart Sink Things For A Would Be Writer To Say

An unscientific compilation of things I've heard agents and editors say makes their heart sink and why.

1. It's true...
a) if you're writing fiction, so what - does it work as a story?
b) you're likely to be extremely touchy to work with because 'it didn't happen like that'

2. I've always wanted to be a writer...
a) why do you think that makes you different from lots of other people?
b) why do you think wanting to do something makes you able to do it? (I'd love to speak fluent Italian, but I don't.)

3. My mother/children/workshop group loved it...
a) of course they do - they love/cherish you.
b) are they known arbiters of writing eg an editor or book buyer for Tesco

4. What it really means is...
If it isn't there in the writing, it isn't there.  You can't be explaining it to every reader who might read your book.

5. This book will make you millions!
a) hardly any books make millions, no matter how rich JK Rowling is.
b) to claim that yours will shows that you know very little about publishing.

6. I wrote it last week...

Um...quality control?

And last, but absolutely not least on the Heart Sink monitor - 

7. My fiction novel.

It doesn't bode well for your use of the English language.