Little Words That Make a Lot of Difference

Back to covering letters and some examples of how a few changes can make a big difference to the way you come across.

1.  You will remember meeting me at XYZ conference.

That's asking for someone to say 'No, I won't', and chuck your letter away.  Better to write You might remember...

2. I write like X and Y

That's presumptuous and, if it's accurate, plagiaristic.  Better to write 'my novel will appeal to the same readership as X and Y', which will indicate your market awareness and also the genre of your novel.

3.  Who are X and Y?

You want to show market awareness, but make sure that your examples: 

a) reflect your book accurately - I'm sure that many readers of Ian Rankin also enjoy Jilly Cooper, but their books are in different genres and 

b) genuinely show market awareness - Melvyn Burgess and Frances Hodgson Burnett would be the same genre - children's - but they don't sit comfortably together on the shelves. 

c) are current.  Dickens and Tolstoy are fine writers but they're not writing now. 

4. I'm just completed my 100,000 word novel

Just completed?  The implication is that you haven't spent any time redrafting, editing, rewriting, etc.  Hot off the press is not a good sign with novels.

5. My fiction novel

All novels are fiction, full stop.  To say yours is a fiction novel doesn't bode well for the standard of your writing.

6.  Have you ever wondered what would happen if the moon was really made of blue cheese?

The trouble with rhetorical questions is that the answer is more often than not going to be 'No', and that's your central premise blown out of the water.

Five Paragraphs Expanded

A few people asked me to expand on my format for a covering letter to an agent, so here it is, all to be fitted on one page.

1. Why you're writing to them. You've heard them speak or read an article they've written. Maybe they represent an author who you admire and hope to emulate. It should be specific which shows that you've bothered to do some research which in turn shows a professional outlook.

2. Brief summary of your book. Length, genre etc. Then a few sentences about the theme of the book. This equates to the scriptwriter's elevator pitch, where you imagine you're in a lift with someone who could buy your script, but you've only got a minute to sell it to them. Be clear about what it is you're selling.

3. Market position of the book. Essentially, who's going to buy it. This could be phrased as 'It will appeal to readers of...' and then name a couple of authors, rather then a demographic. Depending on the book, you might want to combine paras 2 and 3.

4. About yourself. Include anything that endorses you as a writer, such as articles published or short story competitions won. Also include any personal information that is directly relevant to the book, such as the book is about shenanigans in a school, and you're a teacher. Don't include anything else such as your friends think it's a wonderful book, or how very difficult it was to write.

5. Thank you for your time etc. I call this the 'I am not a loony' paragraph, so no demands that they get back to you within 48 hours, or copyright threats. Instead, pitch yourself as the ideal author, hardworking, full of ideas and enthusiasm, but also very open to feedback and direction. And don't forget the SAE.

The whole should be written in simple, straightforward language - you are after all hoping to have a long term business relationship with this person. Ask some friends to read it because, in your anxiety to get it right, it's very easy to come across negatively, and while they're reading get them to check the spelling and the grammar. And by the time you've done all that, you're probably feeling like giving up on the whole business and taking up watercolours instead. But persevere. Get it right just once, and you'll never have to go through this again.

5 Things To Put Into A Letter to An Agent

1. Demonstrate you've done some research, whether it's knowing a book the agent has represented, attending a lecture the agent has given, reading an article they've written, or reading an article about them. This kind of research makes it personal in a business-like way.

2. Demonstrate you know the market position for your book. That means being specific about the genre you are writing in, which might include authors who you feel are writing in the same area as yourself.

3. Relevant personal information about yourself. This falls into two areas.

a) External endorsement of your writing - eg anything published even if it's in a different area to your novel, competition short-listings, creative writing courses attended (especially if they are at a high level eg at MA level). This is the more important of the two, and if you don't have any publishing credits try to generate some asap.

b) Personal information where it is directly relevant to the subject of the book eg it's about a stock broker and you're a stock broker. The key word here is 'directly'.

4. A brief description of what you're selling. This may sound obvious, but I've seen several covering letters where it wasn't 100% clear if the book was fiction or non-fiction, or whether it was one book or a series, or even a book at all. "I am looking for representation for my 95,000 word contemporary women's fiction novel, ABC," then a quick description of the plot/contents.

5. Contact details that sound normal. If your email address is fluffybunnikins@hotmail.com then you need a new email address. This is a business letter, and you should sound as professional as you can. Even if you are a fluffy bunnikins sort of person, now is not the moment to tell them.

And don't forget to put in the return envelope and postage....

Tightening Up A Covering Letter 2

Yesterday I looked at the novel description from a real covering letter I worked on with a student (who has given me permission to quote from it in the blog).

This is how his biography originally ran:

I am currently a second year undergraduate student reading Ancient history at the University of Blogville. My passion and study of history, including world religions, has helped shape my ideas and thought processes. This has enabled me to form a rich and realistic world to which the reader can relate. My book has been appraised and edited by the author ABC through the XYZ literary consultants. I have also worked closely with the novelist KLM at the University of Blogville. An article that I have written regarding my novel is to be published in the Blogville University Classics Magazine this December.

Okay, there are several points here.

He's made a big deal of the authentic background to the novel so he's right to say he's studying Ancient History, but there's too much detail.

He says he's had help from two sources - a literary consultancy and a novelist. Now, I think this is dodgy. The implication is, he can't write without extensive help and if an agent takes him on, will he be able to write another book without this level of support? And how much is genuinely his own work, and how much that of his helpers?

And the article he's written about his novel? For his student magazine? It manages to sound both a bit pretentious and inconsequential.

Finally, there's a typo - history should have been capitalised. A covering letter should be perfect.

And this is it rewritten:

I currently study Ancient History at the University of Blogville and this, along with my passion for fantasy, has given me a generous background knowledge upon which I have drawn to write my novel. An article of mine has also been accepted for publication.

He's addressed the main points. He's given just enough personal background to substantiate his claims about his knowledge of the setting. He's ditched the information about the help he's had with writing the novel, and he's gone for the simpler statement that he's had an article accepted. The first sentence is a bit long and clunky, but it's so much better than the first version.

When writing your biography remember to keep it relevant and straightforward. I hope this writer does well: he was a pleasure to work with.

Tightening Up A Covering Letter 1

A student came to me with his agent package: covering letter, synopsis and first three chapters. They were pretty good - he'd read my blog! But not faultless. We discussed the package, and he went away and reworked it. He has very kindly given me permission to quote from both to show how a good covering letter can be tightened up.

This is the section describing the novel:

The main theme of the book centres on the twin journeys of two lovers caught in a war between ancient deities fighting for dominion of all humanity. Trapped within the destiny of their Realm, the lovers are driven down a path of deception and epic battles as they grapple with an adversary of their own creation. Their choices and varying situations are presented in a realistic yet fantastic world woven into a narrative delivered with great verve and emotion.

The novel is set in a second world based on our ancient civilisations of Greece and Rome. This, along with a unique system of magic and the integration of republican democracy with autocracy, will appeal to any reader of fantasy fiction as well as adding a new flavour to the generic genre. The novel also has parallels with the romantic fantasy genre as it is written from the perspective of both lovers and follows their individual experiences and emotions.

I don't think this is bad - I like the use of strong verbs such as trapped and grapple - but it feels a bit generic. There are lots of big words such as destiny and epic, but I don't know what's going to happen or what the whole book is about. It feels a bit waffly.

This is the final version:

The book centres on two lovers. Thryn’s abandonment as a child in a society closed to outsiders fuels his strive for acceptance in a treacherous world. Nalani, as a strong and independent woman, yearns for absolution from her father when she is deprived of her home. Together, they are trapped within a war between ancient deities fighting for dominion of all humanity. Driven down a path of deception and epic battles, they grapple with an adversary of their own creation as the destiny of their Realm is revealed.

The setting of the novel originates from a unique blend of our ancient civilisations of Greece, Egypt and Rome. This is coupled with an exclusive religion, system of magic and the integration of republican democracy with autocracy. It will appeal to the readers of authors such as Trudi Canavan, Robert Jordan and Garth Nix.

This is much punchier. I like the naming of the lovers, and their individual quests are stated. And rather than making claims about how it's going to appeal to everyone who reads fantasy fiction AND adding a completely new genre, instead he shows his understanding of the market by naming best selling authors. I'd read this.

I'll look at his biography tomorrow...

Slush Pile Hell and Query Letters

A new blog has started called Slush Pile Hell. Each day it takes an extract from a query letter and gives the anonymous agent's true response - one suspects that a simple 'thanks but not for us' letter was sent. Some people have said it's unfair to mock would-be writers, others have said it's doing a service in showing what not to write. Me? Okay, it's funny, but the joke wears thin. There are some complete no-hopers out there, but that's hardly news.

At about the same time, someone posted on a forum that they'd been offered help with writing their query letter for a mere £250. Someone else posted of another service that cost only £100. £100 to help write a query letter? I'm in the wrong business.

My problem is that I don't see how anyone else can write your query letter. It's supposed to be about you and what you've written. It's giving a brief impression of who you are and your writing style, and telling a little bit about your novel. Only you can do it. I can - and have many a time - given feedback to students on their query letters, but it's really not much more than common sense. Anyone could do it. So hang on to your money and ask a friend to have a look. Here are some questions you could then ask them:

- Can you tell what I'm offering? (Yup, I've seen covering letters that omitted to say it was a novel/children's book.)

- What three words would you choose to summarise what I'm offering?

- On the basis of what's written, what three words would you choose to summarise the person behind the letter?

- Do you think the letter reflects me, as you know me?

- If you were receiving this letter, how would you feel?

The idea of asking questions is to stop them saying something like, it's fine or seems OK to me, which is what they'll probably do if they're not a writer.

Above all, don't get too hung up on it. It's a letter for heaven's sake, not rocket science! Be straightforward, be direct, don't make daft claims or be pushy. Tell them who you are, and what you're offering, thank them for their time and that's it.

Still not enough? There's more about covering letters in these previous posts.

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Backing Into the Limelight

How would you feel if you were innocently walking down the street minding your own business when a complete stranger bounded up to you like an overgrown puppy, licked your face and panted: I'm wonderful! I'm fab, me! And then beamed expectantly, waiting for you to say...well, which do you think would be more likely?

a) I love you and must represent you immediately or

b) Get away from me you mad person or I'll call the police.

Now imagine you're an agent receiving the equivalent in covering letter form. Straight to the top of the Must Be Read pile? Or the Immediate Rejection pile?

So how do you say I'm wonderful without saying it? The simple answer is you get someone or something else to say it BUT it's got to be the right someone or something. So your Mum is not the right someone and nor are your children nor is anyone who has any personal connection with you, because of course they think you're wonderful, but their opinion doesn't mean anything in this particular context.

I'm not convinced an author or a creative writing tutor is much good either: 'Joe Bloggs suggested I write to you' doesn't mean much when it comes down to it. If Joe Bloggs really rated your work, they'd snatch it out of your hot sticky little mitts and personally hand it over to their agent/editor, and because writers are usually worried about their own precarious position they tend not to want to annoy their agents/editors with handing over extra work. Especially when that person is potentially a rival author.

The person you want to endorse you doesn't know you. They only know your writing and, ideally, paid you money for it. They gave you a prize in a short story competition. They published your article. They broadcast your short story. They published your non-fiction book. The more credits you can build up, the more endorsements you're getting. When I was at this stage I deliberately entered every short story competition I could find to build up some endorsements. When I wrote my covering letter I was able to say I'd won or been short listed for seventeen short story competitions. (Which, thinking about it, also shows persistence and a degree of obsession that is very useful for a writer.)

Credits mean someone else picked your writing out of a crowd. It will give an agent confidence that yes, you - and your writing - are wonderful.

Five Paragraphs Expanded

A few people asked me to expand on my format for a covering letter to an agent, so here it is, all to be fitted on one page.

1. Why you're writing to them. You've heard them speak or read an article they've written. Maybe they represent an author who you admire and hope to emulate. It should be specific which shows that you've bothered to do some research which in turn shows a professional outlook.

2. Brief summary of your book. Length, genre etc. Then a few sentences about the theme of the book. This equates to the scriptwriter's elevator pitch, where you imagine you're in a lift with someone who could buy your script, but you've only got a minute to sell it to them. Be clear about what it is you're selling.

3. Market position of the book. Essentially, who's going to buy it. This could be phrased as 'It will appeal to readers of...' and then name a couple of authors, rather then a demographic. Depending on the book, you might want to combine paras 2 and 3.

4. About yourself. Include anything that endorses you as a writer, such as articles published or short story competitions won. Also include any personal information that is directly relevant to the book, such as the book is about shenanigans in a school, and you're a teacher. Don't include anything else such as your friends think it's a wonderful book, or how very difficult it was to write.

5. Thank you for your time etc. I call this the 'I am not a loony' paragraph, so no demands that they get back to you within 48 hours, or copyright threats. Instead, pitch yourself as the ideal author, hardworking, full of ideas and enthusiasm, but also very open to feedback and direction. And don't forget the SAE.

The whole should be written in simple, straightforward language - you are after all hoping to have a long term business relationship with this person. Ask some friends to read it because, in your anxiety to get it right, it's very easy to come across negatively, and while they're reading get them to check the spelling and the grammar. And by the time you've done all that, you're probably feeling like giving up on the whole business and taking up watercolours instead. But persevere. Get it right just once, and you'll never have to go through this again.