No One Likes A Smart Arse

Rules for Heroes: 5 : Don't be too clever

When my son was at primary school there was a girl in his class who was good at everything. She was in the first team for netball and played county level tennis. She played the violin in the National Youth Orchestra. She was in the top sets for every subject. She was a very clever little girl, and loathed by everyone.*

It's hard to like someone who is so clever it all appears easy, and the same is true for characters. Detective writers have to get round the cleverness rule because detectives by definition need to be brighter than the readers so they can get the answer when we are still floundering. There are several ways to do it. Sherlock Holmes, for example, is not the narrator. That's Dr Watson, who is amazed at his friend's cleverness. If Sherlock Holmes was the main viewpoint character he'd be sneering at all us dimwits who couldn't see what was so obvious to him. Plus, as he'd get the answers in double quick time, the stories would be very short indeed. Because they're told from Dr Watson's point of view they last until Sherlock reveals all to him.

Other clever detectives have major character flaws - alcohol, gambling and social ineptitude are popular. They may be clever, but we're glad we're not them. Hercule Poirot is Belgian. Others make mistakes and go down the wrong path before coming to the right conclusion - I've always liked Inspector Wexford because he seems so ordinary, not intellectually clever but full of common sense and homespun wisdom.

Outside detective fiction, if main characters are high flyers, they often get brought down to earth by a more human element - think of all those fictional career girls who get babies dumped on them. They may be good in the boardroom, but they're useless with a nappy! Show me a scientist and I'll show you a character who is domestically incompetent. Call it Tall Poppy Syndrome or what you will, but very clever characters do not make heroes.

If they have to be clever to make the plot work, then they need time to come up with the clever solution. When Milo solves the impossible problem in The Phantom Tolbooth, the author (Norton Juster) specifically tells us that he'd "thought about this problem very carefully ever since leaving Digitopolis." Dick Francis made a career of writing about ordinary, unremarkable blokes who get swept up into exciting situations and manage to make the best of it. It may hurt to suppress your own natural genius, but your main characters need to be of mainstream level intelligence, just like the readers.

*Poor kid, it wasn't really her fault she couldn't make friends, we tried inviting her to tea but were told by her mother that the child couldn't come because she had a full schedule of extra classes and practice every evening. I hope later on she rebelled.

Gladiator Rules

Rules for Heroes: 4: Want what we want

I'm very fond of the film Gladiator, both to watch and as an example of scripting. Apparently they were floundering with the script and at the last minute William Nicholson was brought in to be the script doctor. He realised that a film about a bloke chopping and hacking his way through swathes of other gladiators lacked a certain something. The character wanted to survive his ordeal, which we could understand and sympathise with, but it wasn't going to put enough bums on the seats to recover the investment in reconstructing the Colosseum in CineCitta outside Rome.

What he needed was a character want we could all really buy into. So, he added to the script the horrible murder of Maximus' wife and child. Now, while the character was still fighting for survival, he was also a father and husband after revenge.

Gladiatorial fights were specific to that culture in that period of history. A parent wanting revenge for the death of a child is universal throughout history everywhere. Hence Gladiator's amazing success across the world. We may know nothing of the Roman Empire, but we can buy into what Maximus wants.

When we're writing it's a good idea to check that what your main character wants is something that is going to chime in with what readers want. The more people can identify with the character's wants, the more people will want to read the book.

If a character wants a beautiful pair of shoes, then that's limited. But if they want a beautiful pair of shoes because they believe it will make them fit in with the in-crowd, or make the man of their dreams fall in love with them, or transform them from an ugly duckling to a swan, then these are all things that have a wider appeal. Make sure your characters want what lots of people want.

Why Blanche, while Beautiful, is obviously a Baddie

Rules for Heroes: 3 : Never kick the dog

You can always spot a hero from the way they behave to those who are beneath them socially, be they animal or human, because heroes are always kind to underdogs of every species.  We can spot the hero in, for example, Georgette Heyer novels, because he is invariably good with dogs.  Dogs that are frightened of strangers accept his attention, often positively fawning with delight as the hero finds exactly the right spot behind the ear to scratch.  

Okay, so it's become a cliche, but compare with a character such as Blanche Ingram in Jane Eyre.  She may be beautiful, but we know she's a baddie because she's so unpleasant and condescending to the staff (including, of course, Jane Eyre herself). Mr Rochester can be careless of other's feelings, but makes amends when he realises.  (And Pilot the dog loves him so under that brusque exterior he's obviously okay.)

Contemporary heroes may not have servants but there are waitresses and shop assistants to be considerate to.  Hannibal Lecter may be a cannibalistic monster who'd eat your liver as soon as look at you, but he is polite to Clarice Starling even as he toys with her emotions and fears.  Scarlett O'Hara, for all her many faults, is devoted to her Mammy. As readers we sympathise with underdogs, and we loathe those who are mean or nasty to them.  Make sure your main characters never kick the dog.

Why Dickie and Freddie Deserve to Die

Rules for Heroes: 2 : Murder yes, careless of other's feelings no.

One of my favourite books is The Talented Mr Ripley by Patricia Highsmith. Tom Ripley, the main character, displays a lot of characteristics we're supposed not to like: he lies all the time, he's ingratiating, he takes money under false pretenses. And yet we like him. We like him so much that we're on his side when he murders first Dickie Greenleaf and then Freddie Miles.

We've all been in situations where we feel out of our depth and vulnerable. Tom Ripley feels like that for much of the book and he tries to deal with it. He wants to be Dickie's friend, and most of us have experienced wanting to be friends with the coolest kid in the class, the feelings when the friendship is reciprocated, then the horrible sensation when you realise that the friendship has waned and you're suddenly out in the cold. Okay, so most of us don't respond by bashing the coolest kid's brains in, but I reckon we all know the feeling of wanting to. We understand why Tom does it.

What's brilliant about Highsmith's writing is that, because we only see Dickie from Tom's point of view, we accept his assessment of the situation. If you looked at it from Dickie's point of view...this bloke turns up, tags along, is unfriendly to your girlfriend, is a bit weird and intense, you catch him in your bedroom dressed up in your clothes, he gets possessive about you, wants to go with you everywhere - well, it's understandable that you'd withdraw a little. Freddie deserves to die even less. Freddie is loyal to Dickie, tries to help him, begins to work out what Tom has done. But in Tom's point of view he's unattractive, fat, red-haired and is threatening Tom's safety. We accept he deserves to be whacked with an ashtray.

That's the book. The film tips the scales even further in Tom's direction. Tom's talented and clever but poor. Wealthy Dickie is unpleasant to Tom, taunts him and in a fit of unhappiness, Tom kills him (rather than the murder being premeditated, as in the book). Freddie steals Dickie away from Tom, excluding Tom for snobbish reasons. They are both careless of Tom's feelings. They deserve what they get.

So, your character doesn't have to be nice or even someone you'd like to spend much time with so long as we not only understand where they're coming from emotionally but have been there too. Tap into those deep emotions most of us have felt and we'll forgive your main character anything, even murder.

Clint Eastwood Never Draws First

Rules for Heroes: 1 : Play fair

Imagine the scene. The Wild West. Tumbleweed blows down the main street. Our hero faces the baddies, all six of them. Eyes narrow, hands twitch nervously over holsters. Someone goes for their gun and bang! bang! bang! The dust settles, and our hero picks up his hat which one now-dying baddie so inconsiderately shot off.

But who drew first?

The answer is ALWAYS one of the baddies. It's an absolute rule for heroes that they never start a fight. (Which of course is why the first Iraq war was OK as Saddam had invaded Kuwait, but the second one wasn't.) Your hero may suspect that the gang are about to mug him, but he mustn't whack them over the head until one of them has made a move. Dirty Harry may have got his name for his careless regard for the law, but he always obeyed the hero rules by inviting punks to make his day before he shot them with his Magnum 44.

It goes straight back to the nursery and 'who started it?' Whatever your reasons, you were in trouble if it was you. There's an interesting exception. Remember the first Indiana Jones film and that scene when a scimitar v horsewhip fight looms? Indy realises he doesn't have the time and shoots the swordsman. We laugh because our hero expectations are confounded, but deep down we're actually shocked by this breakdown of the hero rules - I can remember people talking about the scene when the film first came out.

In most cases I'd be saying make your characters active, not re-active, but this is one instance when they mustn't start a fight. Let the bad guys start things if you want the hero to retain reader sympathy.